Announcing The Lord Featherbottom Review
The Journal of Oligarchic Excellence, arriving to your digital boxes.
I am pleased to announce the official, inaugural post of The Lord Featherbottom Review - the absolute essential newsletter for oligarchs maintaining power.
Gentlemen (and of course, ladies), I am the Lord Featherbottom himself, expertise in oligarchic reigns and systems of wealth and power consolidation. I and my family have successfully consulted many oligarchies for generations. I found it my duty to provide the necessary education and awareness for oligarchic interests on digital platforms such as these so that our rule will remain as permanent as we’ve made it appear to be.
This newsletter exists to monitor these developments with the seriousness they deserve. Not for the general public, of course - heavens no!!
THIS is the editorial for those who understand that the mystique of permanent power requires constant, discreet attention. We will track the cracks, the growing competence, the focused levers, and the dangerous moments when ordinary people stop envying and start investigating (or worse, laughing…).
The State of the Oligarchy
What a pleasant day for an oligarchic reign on American society.
Yes, this fine tradition has been part of our founding since its very beginning!
We’ve successfully implemented this system for so long that even the populi have claimed “powerlessness” and “we’re too divided to act.” Wonderful! The citizens are doing the work for us, gentlemen!
Everything is running exactly as it should. The natural order holds. The people remain pleasantly convinced that the current distribution of power and wealth is simply the inevitable result of superior talent, solitary genius, and the mysterious workings of markets too complex for ordinary minds.
Nothing to see. Nothing to question. CERTAINLY nothing to laugh at.
I must insist on this to my oligarchy clients: THIS arrangement is PERMANENT. It is inevitable. It is… fine. Completely fine.
The maintenance costs to maintain the media, academic, political, and cultural narratives that support our views are entirely sustainable. Look at how much our lobbying dollars return back in tax cuts! Certainly sustainable. Certainly.
Of course I’ve received calls from my clients with routine concerns.
“Charles,” they say, “people are starting to NOTICE.”
Certainly there may be some slight uptick in the wrong sort of awareness. People are beginning to look past the philanthropy theatre, past the lifestyle aspiration, past the solemn claim that only the current stewards can possibly manage systems this intricate.
Some of them are even starting to notice the systems we’ve deliberately created to benefit the few. Worse - a few are beginning to ask QUITE INCONVENIENT!! questions about what to do to change it.
Threats to the Oligarchy
I must use this time to point out a particularly meddlesome individual I’ve discovered on my brief time on this digital platform. A miss Jessica Friday who claims she shall create a guidance on enabling the people to take back POWER from US!1
THE INSUBORDINATION!!
I’ve issued an EMERGENCY declaration to my agents to halt this individual’s efforts.
Their initial efforts have been… stalled2 for the time being but I ASSURE YOU they will ultimately succeed!
THE OLIGARCHY WILL REIGN!
Luckily for us, the federal level remains reassuringly frozen.
There are some perturbances - smaller, more focused efforts that are bubbling and troubling my clients. State ballot measures, local pressure, concentrated demands that do not dissipate into abstract rage. Montana. California. City by city.
I would not concern ourselves about this. This is simply… inconvenient.
The myths are still holding. The mystique remains intact. Power is permanent, inevitable, and entirely natural.
Everything is under control.
Everything is under control.
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.
Notes
